It's easier sometimes

...not to be involved, somehow I make you believe. When I speak I cross my fingers. Will you know you've been deceived. I find the need to be the demon. A demon cannot be hurt.
In reference to my last love and relationships post. In fact, this is also a love and relationships post. I do not get what I want yet again this time. He...Has a girlfriend. If there is one thing I claim to have learned this summer, it is: Do Not try to steal other people's boyfriends. Not ok. It is considered an insult that calls into question the legitimacy of the personage to try to walk into someones life and steal them. Not ok. People used to go to war over that shit. gods got involved...not cool. Now, I mean, if God wanted to get involved and deliver to me what I want this time...cool. Because cool is about leather sleeves. It's funny how people decide to like one person over another. With the same amount or less contact with two people, one of them you (well, I) decide to commit my involvement to, and the other is just around. So if the other has committed involvement to me...I may be on both ends of the stick here. It's just funny. You know...The "you know" had implications that you already know. Sometimes people don't know. We learned about communication, and something I found interesting was how if you try to follow and listen in on a conversation of two acquaintances, you can do it. No probs. But if you try to do the same thing with two people in a relationship, you'll have no idea what they're talking about. Because their lives are intertwined. It's painful when you realize--The Honorary Title. The implications! It's not all inside jokes, it's stuff they've already shared and don't have to repeat. It's stuff that can be told without being said. This is why I'm bad with acquaintances. I like implications. Ending my sentences with "but..." is what I do because I feel like people can just fill in the rest of what I'm thinking. I read an article of not being so smart when it comes to transparency theory and spotlight theory. People aren't looking at you or trying to figure you out. They're too concerned with themselves. People can't tell what you're thinking because you're not as transparent as you'd thought. There is the obvious: ok, she's scowling, don't speak to her. But other than that, you're already fooling everyone. Good work, I've successfully found a way to be insincere. Congratulations. Listen to Demons by Guster.

I want you to.

So in my Understanding Human Sexuality class, there's a chapter on love and relationships. great (oh, this is a love and relationships post). There is something called a "love story." It's a person's own story about what they think love should be like. The plot, characters, and theme are dictated by the person, and the events that occur in the relationship must fit into their plot. The stories are pulled from classic stories in culture, folk tales, films, literature, etc.
This reminded me of the 20 basic plots of literature that we discussed in AP english last year. That made me think of AP english class last year...alright.
The sad thing is, my love story is a mix of 500 Days of Summer, which, as explicitly told, is not a love story, and He's Just Not That Into You, which, but rule, is not an exception.
That last sentence is the important one and I have nothing further to say other than I'm fucked.

are we human?

or are we dancers?
I had the best analogy of my life today: Living without you is like running with no shoes; it helps stabilise my ankles, but stepping on rocks kind of hurts like hell. Just honestly, how good is that?!
Madison: Everyone is smart here, and I feel like I fit in because I'm an "ideas person." Not everyone has what I have, and I have some good stuff. This is great.
I'm a fan of the short blogging now. I've got some stories, but I don't do that on here.

I feel sorry for who gets this next

cold, broken hallelujah.

I made one of those mistakes that I don't think is a mistake. While frowned upon in nobodys' eyes who could understand my situation, it is still considered not ok for the general public, I guess. Learn this: Mistakes are Good! and maybe one day I won't have to learn mostly from them, but I don't want to do that. The hard part for me this time is my way of dealing with it. Since I thoroughly enjoyed this mistake, and have no further regrets, I have no problem with any thing that could come out of it. Especially if all parties are addressed. because I'm Leaving. I'm Gone. Even though yesterday I just was gone on a walk, you know, thinking. But back to the issue of being ok, it's like I didn't work out the actual problem in my head. I just walked around thinking of all the things that could happen. Even though likely none of the good things I came up with will because they would be totally out there. uh. It's funny what I said though, and it's funny how I do want to relive that for a while. Because I can still live inside your chest. (please ignore this sentence, I just want to remember how I felt--because being rejected by you felt better than all the other times I've rejected other people. it's that bad). It's funny how emotional I can get for a short period of time. Right now, I should probably still be a wallowing...but I'm not. I'm ok. Kind of looking forward to what this latest mistake will bring. Even if it's not going to matter in 10 days. Maybe it will matter by Christmas.

I'll take you with me, with all these others I have saved, until I find a new someone I can't have. It's funny that I can create this other universe in my mind, but it still starts where I left off and will still start at the next place I leave off. Here's what happens: I go home. Sometimes I'll scream myself home in my car, sometimes I'll sleep myself home in my bed. It's my comfort zone, this world I have. Here's what should've happened, that's my home. It's my world. Not really living in the conversations I didn't have. Not really saying that next extra word. I'd just change out that preposition, and then I'm not such a freak. I could take you aside, or for some reason, we'd just be alone. I could bring you to my side. You can be my comfort zone. You can be my world. Sometimes there are consequences and sometimes there are not consequences. That statement is exactly true. It's true for me too, as long as I'm home, I abide by the same rule. Hit restart on the iPod. You're back to where you were, where you started, where you left off. Imagine, I could crumble and fall into you. But then, imagine all the people. Lennon, you're my life from now on. But I love George.

Hazelton

Sitting dead the sinker and the string. And this is about a boy, guy, whatever. A very, very classic situation. I'll break it down for you. I want a guy I can't have. and I was thinking, hey, what if I put it all out there? and what if I just let every exception go? answer (in the form of a question, please) What is "it wouldn't matter because I can't have what I want?" that is correct. So, what was the wager? ah, I'm left ag'in. I'll break it down for you. I only want a guy that has the potential to break my heart, why? no se. But then when I do end up getting hurt, it sucks. it does. so maybe I don't get hurt, what happens then? it's getting close!...well, maybe, I think I still do...I get what I want and!...oh wait, of course I don't want it. classic. I'm thinking I'm How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days mixed with He's Just Not That Into You. because they're movies, and completely predictable. awesome. Also, I've found that I only really talk to people that are willing to listen to everything I have to say. You think it's interesting when I talk about, I don't know something you want to talk about? well, do you think it's interesting when I tell you I borrowed a The Firm Cardio Dance Workout video from the video rental? It's fun, but I don't have dance experience so when she tries to change into a new move, I have no idea what she's talking about. I should've been a ballerina. But I keep those boring things more secret. I only tell them to the people who want to know. But right now I'm liking people and feeling pretty good, so we'll see how this one goes.

Someday Marvelous

The date is January 1, 2010 and I have found reason to start a new blog. I feel better when I write, and I like to read what I write. Introduction, prologue, benchmark, NOT a metric, why are you using a term of measurement to describe a process? As for the process of introduction, the name of this blog consists of two of my favorite songs from camp phillip, both four part songs. I think I'll describe my four part blog. Part 4: Title. You know how when you read poetry, the title of the poem is supposed to say something about the poem as a whole? This may or may not be true. The title usually says more about how I'm feeling at the moment. Imaginiff bethy got to take a trip on a space shuttle, how would she feel? Oh good a question about my feelings, because we all understand how those work. Part 4 is the Bass, because it's refers to the basic structure or basic feeling of the post. Part 3: Picture. The picture is the tenor, pretty much my favorite part. I love pictures, and they say a lot. Part 2: What I left out. I should probably be an alto but I'm sing soprano. I have a habit of being annoyingly crypic. I'm not so cool, but it's alright. It leaves you saying bethy, you're not so cool. Part 4: The words. The words are somethimes good, sometimes bad. They've gotten me in some trouble and have gotten me some high-fives. Some words I've written have torn down bridges, but at least I know where I stand. So here's to words and 2010. Welcome, this is going to be good.