cold, broken hallelujah.

I made one of those mistakes that I don't think is a mistake. While frowned upon in nobodys' eyes who could understand my situation, it is still considered not ok for the general public, I guess. Learn this: Mistakes are Good! and maybe one day I won't have to learn mostly from them, but I don't want to do that. The hard part for me this time is my way of dealing with it. Since I thoroughly enjoyed this mistake, and have no further regrets, I have no problem with any thing that could come out of it. Especially if all parties are addressed. because I'm Leaving. I'm Gone. Even though yesterday I just was gone on a walk, you know, thinking. But back to the issue of being ok, it's like I didn't work out the actual problem in my head. I just walked around thinking of all the things that could happen. Even though likely none of the good things I came up with will because they would be totally out there. uh. It's funny what I said though, and it's funny how I do want to relive that for a while. Because I can still live inside your chest. (please ignore this sentence, I just want to remember how I felt--because being rejected by you felt better than all the other times I've rejected other people. it's that bad). It's funny how emotional I can get for a short period of time. Right now, I should probably still be a wallowing...but I'm not. I'm ok. Kind of looking forward to what this latest mistake will bring. Even if it's not going to matter in 10 days. Maybe it will matter by Christmas.